The Final Countdown!!

We have just 8 weeks to go before we head back to the US. It has been a busy month or so since we last posted. Our time in the UK was great fun, if a little exhausting. Abi's parents Ruby wedding celebrations were a huge success and it was great to see family and friends who we hardly ever manage to get together with. We did some lovely day trips with Abi's parents too while we were with them which were alot of fun.

We did see as many people as possible during the time we were in the UK. It was lovely to catch up and reconnect. Apologies to those who we missed. We realise the timing wasn't great due to the holidays etc.

We managed to get away for a week's holiday, just the 6 of us, which was sorely needed. We had a wonderful time, although Jems did decide she had had enough and gradually slept less and less as our time away went on!!! She is back into the groove again now we are home - thankfully.

Brad is in the UK at Radstock meetings and returns tomorrow. His schedule is looking very tight. We have already had 4 guys from Northern Ireland here for a few days looking at investment opportunities since we have returned so his time has been full to say the least. There are plenty of people coming for different things before we leave - several of whom are looking to work in the area of micro finance and business as mission so we are thrilled about those opportunities and pray we will be able to get everything done before our plane leaves!!

To say Abi is thrilled to have Vicky here from Northern Ireland teaching Quin and Ezzie would be the understatement of the year!!! School is in full swing and she wonders how she managed to do life here and teach too. A huge relief to be able to concentrate on the relationships here and the day centre in the spare time she has. She is madly trying to organise our departure and sell off all the things we wont be shipping.

The children are doing well. They do unravel slightly during times of transition, but they are holding up so far which is good to see. Quin is growing before our eyes and is desperate to master skipping with a rope before we return to his school as they have a big "Jump rope for heart" competition in the new year which he is keen to be a part of.

Ezzie is losing teeth by the minute and is raking in the cash!! It seems so strange to see her with a mouth full of adult teeth. She and Quin are enjoying our co-op which now has 3 families participating as the other 2 who were with us last year are back in the US for a year. We had the first one 2 days after we returned here at our house. As it was also just after Ezzie's birthday we decided to have them all sleep over!! I have the utmost admiration for people who have 8 children or more!!! They ate constantly and used up tons of energy, draining us of ours!! We obligingly filled them all up with sugar on Saturday morning and deposited them back to their parents!!!! (I am sure we were really popular!!!)

Tate continues to keep us on our toes and Abi is loving having some time in the mornings when the older 2 are in school to hang out with him. They have done some little visits together and he is great company. He is the joker in the family which keeps us all doubled up with laughter. He is particularly proud that he gets to go to pre-school at the Day Centre when the others dont!!

Jems is 7 months today and is wearing clothes Ezzie wore when she was walking!!!! She is an absolute delight and giggles constantly. She is getting teeth as fast as Ezzie is losing them. She will have 6 by the end of this week I think as she is cutting 2 more. She isn't too bothered about baby food, much prefers ours, and chomped her way through a quarter of a byrek the other day (for those of you who haven't been here that is a flaky pastry filled with meat - not what you would expect a small baby to be eating!!)

I will post a calendar in the next week or so as we have guests and teams coming up to the time we leave. If you are interested in making a quick trip before we leave - let us know!!!

A Diary of Death...

Day 1. Today I buried the father of my friend. What a dark and most difficult day it was. I was awoken abruptly at ten minutes to 8 in the morning by Abi in floods of tears thrusting my phone into my hand. Agim was calling, his father had just died. I took the phone, shaking the sleep from my head only to hear my friend sobbing uncontrollably. Of course we knew this call was coming and had been expecting it for many months, but one is never prepared for this kind of call no matter how long you are expecting it.

At once I was getting showered and dressed. Abi quickly got on the phone to friends asking what role I was to play, how I was to act and what were the words I mustn’t forget to utter in greeting the family. You see, I am not only a friend but I am Agim’s boss. Before 9am I was at his house expressing my condolences. Agim had just returned from the printers with the death notices, ready to plaster them around the town announcing the funeral. The funeral was to be later that day at 5pm.

By 3:30, I was at his father’s brother’s house in the village. As I drove into the village I saw the graves of those massacred in 1999 by the Serb ethic cleansing. Agim’s father cheated death eight years ago but today it was not to be. As I approached the house I was greeted by my friend’s brother in law, the only face I recognize in the crowd of men waiting for the burial. I presented the customary coffee and drinks, to be used later no doubt to serve to the hundreds and hundreds of guests who would come for visits over the next three days of mourning. At precisely 5pm the men gathered and the tiny dusty track that is the main road of the village was transformed into a sea of men all processing behind the truck with the coffin in it. We all streamed down through the village to the grave side. But as we did, I was ushered to the front holding my “kurore”, a shield like object covered in pine needles, plastic flowers and cellophane with a red sash noting that it is given in our names. My compatriots and I were all holding kurores and leading the procession through the village, across a major road and into the grave yard. The imam, Muslim holy man arrived. He mutters a few words, we all knelt, we stood, the casket was laid in the grave, the hole was filled and a small trench was dug into the top of the mound and then water was poured in it. Once this is done, we knelt again, the imam prayed again and then we placed our kurore on the grave. Mine was placed in a place of honor at the foot of the grave.

Day 2. Abi went to pay her respects to the wife. As she entered the room it is unclear what the protocol should be. The room was filled with women, some in headscarves, some not. The day before the protocol was to shake hands with every woman starting with the one nearest the door, until you got to the widow. On observing after the fact it was clear that the protocol was different the following day. The widow and her daughter were the first people who should have been greeted. She was overcome when she saw Abi and clutched her, wailing uncontrollably. Abi uttered the appropriate responses and was motioned to sit next to her in the seat of honor. Again and again Abi tried to make way for new groups of mourners coming in but Agim’s mother motioned her to sit where she was, often with an iron grip to the knee. She wailed, she cried, she was inconsolable.

Her grief is real and at the same time, her grief is being judged for its sincerity. As the widow, is she crying enough? Is she not eating? Is she not sleeping? These are the questions that are being scrutinized by the others who have come to “share” her grief, but in reality they want to see if she “really” loved her husband. If she fails their tests then she will be the talk of the town, a new piece of meat for the gossip mill. Even in one’s grief one is not able to be private and outside the realm of public scrutiny in this culture.

Day 3. I was summoned to the men’s lunch, an honor for sure, reserved usually for family and very close friends of the deceased. As I walked into the room, the smoke of countless cigarettes fills my lungs. Before I could sit, I too was ushered to the seat of respect next to the village elders. I was supposed to address the men across the other end of the room, not being aware of the protocol, I fumbled it badly. Only after I observe other guests coming did I realize I had done it wrong. But all was not lost my relationship to the family and my American nationality afforded me an abundance of grace. I was thanked on several occasions for coming and observing the grief with them, for the respect I had shown on that day. As new guests arrived the crowd made space along the wall for them according to their importance and level of respect within the village and family. Almost always I was encouraged to remain where I had been instructed to sit. After several hours a lunch and several broken conversations it was acceptable for me to leave. Upon my departure I ran the gauntlet of handshaking groups of men, each of us repeating to one another the obligatory phrases of condolence. As I departed, my friend thanked me for coming and staying with him and his clan and said I made history in his village that day. No American had ever observed the grief in the village before. My response was one of regret, would that I could make history in a more joyful way.

How differently grief is dealt with here. For most widows their life is over when they lose their spouse. They are scrutinized mercilessly to see if their devotion and love for their lost is one is expressed properly. Financially, the family bears an enormous expense feeding the hordes of guest that come day after day after day. It’s a week later and the guests are still coming. When there is no hope there is no reason to move on.

Fires and floods!!

The leadership Camp was a great success. Brad had a good group of students this year and had fun with the team who flew in from America.

Of course there was alot of action as there always seems to be in our family and here.

I woke up one morning to go downstairs at 6.30am to the sound of rushing water!! (Not a sound you want to hear at any time unless you have the tap on!!) Tate and I found ourselves standing in 3 inches of water in the downstairs bathroom. Thankfully I knew where the stopcock is so turned off all the water downstairs and our friend Alastair had fixed everything by 10.30am!!

No sooner had the flood been sorted than I had a phone call from up in the mountains letting us know that there were significant forest fires up there and there was a high chance that we would need to evacuate the 90 people who were up there on 2 different camps!! Check out the photo of the fires. The roofs of the place Brad was staying were at the bottom of the smoke on the left hand side of the photo!!!!! Pretty close.

We really didn't want to have to evacuate the camps for numerous reasons, so we called round and put drivers on standby in case we were needed. We weren't and the camps were able to continue as planned.

Stars and Stripes!! The stars are shining brightly!

We need to tell Jems that is isn't good form to eat the flag!!! But she did get into the patriotic spirit!!

We celebrated July 4th in patriotic style using decorations that Aunt Shelly sent us several years ago!! They are still going strong. We made homemade corn dogs, baked beans and red, white and blue cupcakes!! A very fun evening. Here are all the patriotic youngsters sporting their various items!! Of course our household is slightly confused as we are split between the ones who became independant and those from whom independance was sought!!!

Summer is here again

Summer is here again and we are settled back into life here. We are thrilled to see our older children finally having the confidence to play in the street with the other children in the neighbourhood. It has been a long time in coming. We are enjoying spending time with our neighbours and friends here - having the customary Turkish coffees and Russian Teas with them. The weather has been unbelievably hot so the children have enjoyed playing in the paddling pool with their friends. Here they are together on a hot Saturday afternoon. Ezzie and her friend Toska now have the same tankinis. Toska picked the same one out for Ezzie as she has, but picked blue to match her eyes!! Don't they look lovely?!


We have finished homeschool which everyone is thrilled about and there are several teams in town which, although not directly related to our work in some ways is always really fun as there is lots of activity and enthusiasm. We are having dinner at the Guest House tonight with the team from Northern Ireland. Always hilarious!! Lucy wanted a special mention as she hasn't been mentioned before so there we go Lucy - you are now officially mentioned on our blog!!!

Brad has just made a loan to a lady in town who has opened a jewellry shop at the new large supermarket. Here she is in her shop. The things she is selling are lovely so beware if you head out this way as we will surely make a trip there!!